trouble

"Sin is so drawing to our human eye, yet so fatal to our spiritual health."

I wrote these words one late night in July, almost a year from now, and I'm sure, in this moment, I now fully understand the words that once crossed my mind. The trouble with having free-will is we are our own best supporters and, simultaneously, our own worst enemies. See, Jesus never promised us an easy life. He never said, "With Me it'll always be sunshine, never rain." In fact, He said, "In this world, you will have trouble." (John 16:33)

But the coolest encouragement comes after that statement: "But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Finding the balance between our flesh and our spirit is always difficult, at least for me. How can I continue to act out in a way that is so detrimental to my spiritual health, but also temporarily enjoy it?

It always overwhelms me when I consider what I deserve from this world versus what I get to receive. If it wasn't for grace, I am certain I would be dead, physically, but maybe not exactly physically, yet mentally and spiritually, which I consider much worse - a walking zombie, without the capacity of emotions.

And maybe that's the source of my problems, my vast range of extreme emotions. Because I would be the first person to tell you my life was so much easier before my first, horrible heartbreak. I constantly navigate outside of myself to locate a whole piece of myself, but the fact of the matter is, I will never become whole unless I allow my Creator to complete me. Nothing more and nothing less.

But temptation continues to knock on the door, and sin may even slip through the cracks, but it's only what happens from there that determine the future. For grace has no limits, no stipulations, and no qualifications. It covers what we cannot reach. It makes all wrongs, right. It overwhelms my soul. Who are we to judge someone covered by grace? How can I determine the fatality of one's sin versus another's, when they are all detrimental. No, I am no better than the prostitute or the president, but also, I am no worse than the missionary or the monk.

Galatians 6:14-15

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is the new creation."

I will tell you what, it is so terribly difficult for me to surrender control, but I have come to terms that I would much rather surrender my life to the One who created it and has planned it out, than personally be in control, not knowing what tomorrow holds.

See, while we were promised hurt and trouble in this world, we are also promised grace and revelation of His power in many ways.

Mark 11:24

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

James 5:15

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinner, they will be forgiven."

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

These verses all start somewhere, maybe even the same place: seeking Christ with everything we are. Then, and only then, will we reap His promises. Until then - trouble.

How easy when we are struggling, yet so difficult when we feel mostly in control and steady? I have come to the humble conclusion that ever day I am in desperate need of Christ, His grace, and His love, for without Him, I am nothing.