Can I Forgive?

Forgive and forget. We've all heard the infamous saying. And it sounds great, truly; but what is the reality in the saying?

Let me put it in perspective.

I had to watch long videos of training for several weeks on end, and, although they were exhausting, boring, and often times mindless, I did learn a few things. When discussing our brain and the way it behaves in response to trauma and memories, the trainer educated the audience that our subconscious actually does not forget any information. He related this to riding a bike. Although I haven't rode a bike in (oh gosh) maybe 3 years, I am still confident that I would be able to climb on one and confidently ride it for how many miles necessary. It makes sense. It is easier for us to recall memories and learned information if it were behavioral or actions. Therefore, one trainee offered the question: Can we really forgive? If our bodies and minds cannot actually forget the torture, pain, and unjustified behavior, how real is our forgiveness? Clearly, we cannot completely forget, either.

Unfortunately, I feel this means our well-known saying is, well, false.

Here's my rebuttal.

I know I am not alone in feeling like the victim to other's unfair bias or false accusations. Yet, we are still content with continuing life on life's terms, although a persistent cloud of drama tends to follow us. We desperately want to forgive and move on, but the ever-present cloud of drama has it's own agenda. I would even venture to say that we desperately want to forget, too. Gosh, I do. So, how?

The answer to "Can I forgive?" I fully believe can only be answered by these two words:

Every

Day

Not only can we, but we need to. Eventually there will come a day when we think about that person, situation, or pain in a different light-- with a perspective of forgiveness. But for now, daily forgiveness is the remedy. Some days it'll be harder than others, don't I know, and we may never forget the valid feelings of past confusions.

But let's not forget that "forgiveness" does not constitute indisputable trust. All times, we need to love our enemies. Yet, sometimes, we need to love from a distance. Yes, loving from a distance, not even because of your preference, but the "cloud of drama," and whomever is looming. Truthfully, this is a reminder that I often need. I want to trust, but I cannot allow myself to continue to feel hurt. Call it self-care if you will.

Let's always remember, your mental health should not be at the expense of relational peace.