weak

Roughly ten months ago I was going through a rather dark time in my life, a self-inflicted dark time, but dark nonetheless. I remember trying to get out of what I saw as a "funk" by doing tasks that I felt would lift my mood. To no one's surprise, the tasks did not help. No matter how high I could pump myself on the swing, no matter the length of my run, no matter the amount of money I spent shopping could positively impact the feeling of being weak.

See, weak is a feeling that I constantly strive to tackle, whether physical or emotional. I am the type of person who likes to always be in control and have a game plan, so for me to feel weak is me to not be in control.

I explained to my mom on this day how I felt and her response hit me so hard, it changed my entire outlook:

"We are all weak. When I am weak, I am strong. Paul was weak and took strength in Christ. . ."

2 Corinthians 12:10 is what was being referenced:

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Disclaimer: extremely obvious statement on the horizon.

Paul is a much stronger man than I can ever dream of becoming. The amount of transformation that he went through to only be further tormented by the people he is only trying to help speaks volumes for the man he was. But it was this statement of Paul's that was a reflection of what the Lord had asked him to do. When Paul begged for the torment to cease, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" - 2 Corinthians 12:9a

It was in this small reminder from my mom (that has clearly stuck with me almost a year later) that I came to grips with my weaknesses. God doesn't call the qualified. He calls the outcasts, He befriends the prostitutes, He loves the poor, He serves the orphans, everyone who is broken and weary, those who are afraid and tired, people who are numb and weak.

It is only from an empty cup that it can be filled.

And it is from a broken place that Christ can do the repairing.

He is a Creator, after all. Be content in the way he is creating you.