Be Careful What You Ask For

Three hundred and sixty five days (except for the leap year, of course) is all we have within the year. If there's something I know, I had entered 2017 a completely different person that I am leaving it. Because of this, I am certain I am not alone.

Just like many, I had made a list of goals early in the year, some may even say resolutions, for 2017 followed by a deeper explanation. Here's a look at it:

-cut off toxic relationships

you are worth more

-get in even better shape

lose 10-15 llbs

-cut back on coffee

even Starbucks

-save more money

20% of earnings

-Faith Like Paul

starts with diving in deep

-read for pleasure

instead of Netflix

-embrace confidence

text first, speak up, dance, love

-protect your heart

don't have to put it all out there

-be more edgy

tattoos, piercings, hair, outfits

-write more music

let it flow

Out of these of ten goals, I can honestly say I have made progress in eight of them, but the most difficult one to make progress in was Faith Like Paul. (And if you're wondering, reading more and getting into shape were the two I failed.)

Paul is arguably my favorite apostle, because of his story. From extreme darkness and deep sin (we're talking the mass murder of Christians) to becoming a radical follower, saved through grace. His story is one that I can never get sick of! To me, it proves that there are no such thing as worldly "signs." This man hit so many dead ends and should have died so many times, but he didn't use it as an excuse to stop his ministry, instead, he used it as momentum to proclaim what Christ had redeemed him from. Dude, what strength! It was after reading his story in depth and researching his name's sake, King Saul, that I loved his story even more, only two short years ago.

But here's the catch:

Ignorantly, I thought that if I would ask the Lord for such faith like his servant Paul, He would simply send down fairy dust (wait, what) and grant me my wish. Except there's one problem with that thinking. God isn't a genie or a fairy or Santa or a leprechaun that will grant whatever wish you desire because you found yourself face to face with them. No, instead, He gives you scenarios, little life adventures, where you develop the characteristics you asked Him for. This is where I clearly went wrong with my thinking.

Entering 2017, never would I have thought I would endure what I had. 365 days. That's all it was. But you see, these were probably the most hellish 365 days I have experienced in the time I have been alive. But I took these trials as lessons, and they have taught me so much more about myself than I even knew.

If you know me, you will know that I struggle with relinquishing control, but that is one of the most important lessons I learned in developing my Paul-like faith. Only God is in control. And frankly, it is so much easier that way. Perhaps this is what God was trying to teach me all along, that Paul's faith had hardly anything to do with him, instead the allowance of no human control, but rather the allowance of God's purpose in his life.

Man, it's hard. I'm still working through, honestly, surrendering every big and small thing in my life to the use of the Lord's will, but the more I do it, the easier it gets.

I am not more educated than you, I do not have a secret key, I do have anything special about me, I have not had more difficult trials guaranteed, but here's my encouragement to you as you enter this new year of your life:

Whatever you come across in the next 365 days, let it shape you, let it teach you, let it create something inside of you, but DO NOT, whatever you do, let it define you. You are not your struggles, you are not your failures, you are not your secrets. You are worth more.

Right now, I am leaving this year a newly developed creation, and I can only hope the next years I get the pleasure of seeing are as developing. Please, develop with me.